Why You Need To Clear Your Search History...Now

Thursday, June 6, 2019


It was our fourth date and I finally set the evening up so he could meet my cat.

Yes, you read that sentence correctly.

After dinner at a delicious taco place, we meandered back to my place and sat down to watch TV.  He suggested some YouTube videos.  I have a vague recollection of trying to flirt while I old school searched through letters on my remote control to find what we were looking for.  I also have a vague recollection of silence on his end.  Probably because he was reading my search history, in LARGE view, on my television:



*A moment of silence for any appearance of being cool I may have held, dying and withering away.* (To be fair, I was researching potential clickbait articles because my top blog post ever is How To Make Him Fall In Love With You. ...whatever, I don't need to explain myself to you!!!!)

The next day at work, I wanted to search for Kim Petras' Heart to Break, that doesn't exist on Spotify (WHY KIM!?), when I was confronted with my most recent searches on YouTube.  In the third spot, a little below my search for old Pittsburgh Mike videos, was "How to Handle An Obsessive Crush."

Freaking A.

There isn't a dumb enough question out there that is too dumb for me to ask.  It's something I mention in interviews because I want my potential future employers to know I'm not afraid to ask if I want to know something, no matter how ridiculous.  The beauty of the Internet is that everything in the world is one search away from being answered. 

To stay on topic, I searched "do you judge someone by their search history" and was surprised to see that your search history can be used against you in court, there are sites out there selling your search history for market data, and forums dedicated to partners snooping on their S.O's browser history.  I didn't find anyone who creeped on a potential suitor's history and found anything as innocently psycho as dealing with my obsession for my latest crush -- mostly it was disturbing porn, but I didn't feel really confident that my search was any less concerning.

In all seriousness, our search results reveal things about ourselves.  They show our interests, things we'd like to pursue, or what we find to be really, really funny.  They are tiny windows into who we are.

Which is why you should delete the crazy shit and hide it or you will probably end up alone with your cat.  At least my cat is a cuddler.  CLEAR YOUR SEARCH HISTORY, PEOPLE.  THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Either way, I live to die of self-inflicted humiliation another day.

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