Tell The Ones You Love You Love Them

Monday, April 27, 2020


"I love you!" I shout at my grandfather as he tries to usher me off the phone - The Big Bang Theory is returning from commercial break and he doesn't want to miss this part (even if I have CLEAR and DISTINCT memories of watching this particular episode 45 times with him). He knows I love him.  I tell him every time we talk, I told him every morning and every night and every time I walked out of the house when I lived with him.  But still, I want to say it.  I need to say it.

Grandpa pauses.  "I love you too, babe."  He chuckles, because we both know the routine to the next part. "Be good okay?" "Never! Bye!" He's belly laughing as we hang up the phone.  It's become our running joke, that I'm the misbehaving one.  We both know I'm too boring to get into any real trouble while all he does is lie and sneak lotto tickets and cinnamon buns into the house when no one's looking.

My grandfather didn't always hang up the phone with a proclamation of love. I tirelessly wore down the Lower East Side tough guy over the years.  My success with him lead me to bully other friends into the same type of relationship.  I need to know that they know how I feel.

I tell the ones I love that I love them because I want to rest easy in the knowledge that if this is the last time I speak with them, I told them how I felt.

It's kind of dark, I see that, but anything can happen at any moment.  When I was eighteen, a dear friend from high school passed away in an accident.  I replay the last time I saw him often.  I was being a jerk.  I was dating a jerk who influenced me to be a jerk and live a pretty jerky lifestyle.  And that jerk was standing right next to me as I rejected a hug from my friend.  When he passed away, I could physically feel the loss of his arms around me.  He had such a specific way of wrapping his arms around you, it was unique to him and my body craved for what was gone. All I was left with to comfort myself was the too-cool attitude I gave him.  It haunts me still.

I recently discussed with a friend how the idea of love varies in culture and upbringings.  Love is something held on a pedestal and it's only meant to be given to those who deserve it or hit some items on a checklist.  But if you aren't giving love, how can you receive it? I'm not perfect and I don't expect those I love to be perfect either.  In fact, I want them to love me because I'm not perfect.

It might be meaningless to the person I'm pressing my feelings onto, but breaking down how I feel about those I love and simply reminding them also reminds me that if I love them, I have to fully love them, flaws and all.  That friend who  keeps flaking on me? Yeah, I love her and if I love her, it isn't worth ranting about how she can't keep her schedule together.  I'll only rant at her once in a while instead.  Or that friend who keeps dating the same type of idiot and lives in a continuous Groundhog Day-like complain cycle?  I love her too, and she doesn't need me to attack her for those issues but to sit and love her in silence.  And when the door opens to gently nudge her in the right direction.

Right now, saying "I love you" is the simplest way to remind those in my life that they aren't alone. It's a safety net for me too, because it's something I can cling to when there isn't much other certainty out there. All I can do is hang on to love and give as freely as I can.

So, if you wasted ten minutes reading this, I love you too.

4 comments

  1. MY TESTIMONY ON HOW I GET BACK MY DIVORCED HUSBAND WITH THE GOOD HELP OF PRIEST ADE THE MOST HIGH/BEST PSYCHIC ONLINE CONTACT HIM NOW: http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me

    It's a privilege to share this miraculous testimony to the world. I'm Beth Walters from England. My husband divorced me 4 months back and i have been filled with remorse for i didn't know what to do to amend issues with my husband. I searched for help on the internet on how i could get help in my marriage and i discovered great testifiers about Priest Ade who has been progressive with his spells. I got in touch with him and behold, Priest Ade told me that he will prepare a spell for me that will bring back my husband. I was skeptical but i had no other option but to work with him. 2 days after, my husband called me that he's coming back home and from that day till this moment, we have been living peacefully. He is back now with so much love and caring. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers of bring lovers back and the most surprising thing is that our love is very strong now,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like being with the man you love. I will highly recommend Priest Ade  to anyone one out there who needs help whatsoever.if you have any problem contact Priest Ade, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you!!.  ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com or ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com

    Write him on Whats-app +2347059715465

    https://ancientspiritspellcast12.wordpress.com

    Blog: https://priestade.blogspot.com







    MY TESTIMONY ON HOW I GET BACK MY DIVORCED HUSBAND WITH THE GOOD HELP OF PRIEST ADE THE MOST HIGH/BEST PSYCHIC ONLINE CONTACT HIM NOW: http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me

    It's a privilege to share this miraculous testimony to the world. I'm Beth Walters from England. My husband divorced me 4 months back and i have been filled with remorse for i didn't know what to do to amend issues with my husband. I searched for help on the internet on how i could get help in my marriage and i discovered great testifiers about Priest Ade who has been progressive with his spells. I got in touch with him and behold, Priest Ade told me that he will prepare a spell for me that will bring back my husband. I was skeptical but i had no other option but to work with him. 2 days after, my husband called me that he's coming back home and from that day till this moment, we have been living peacefully. He is back now with so much love and caring. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers of bring lovers back and the most surprising thing is that our love is very strong now,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like being with the man you love. I will highly recommend Priest Ade  to anyone one out there who needs help whatsoever.if you have any problem contact Priest Ade, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you!!.  ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com or ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com

    Write him on Whats-app +2347059715465

    https://ancientspiritspellcast12.wordpress.com

    Blog: https://priestade.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to thank Dr Emu a very powerful spell caster who help me to bring my husband back to me, few month ago i have a serious problem with my husband, to the extend that he left the house, and he started dating another woman and he stayed with the woman, i tried all i can to bring him back, but all my effort was useless until the day my friend came to my house and i told her every thing that had happened between me and my husband, then she told me of a powerful spell caster who help her when she was in the same problem I then contact Dr Emu and told him every thing and he told me not to worry my self again that my husband will come back to me after he has cast a spell on him, i thought it was a joke, after he had finish casting the spell, he told me that he had just finish casting the spell, to my greatest surprise within 48 hours, my husband really came back begging me to forgive him, if you need his help you can contact him with via email: Emutemple@gmail.com or add him up on his whatsapp +2347012841542 is willing to help any body that need his help.
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      Delete
  2. I want to thank Dr Emu a very powerful spell caster who help me to bring my husband back to me, few month ago i have a serious problem with my husband, to the extend that he left the house, and he started dating another woman and he stayed with the woman, i tried all i can to bring him back, but all my effort was useless until the day my friend came to my house and i told her every thing that had happened between me and my husband, then she told me of a powerful spell caster who help her when she was in the same problem I then contact Dr Emu and told him every thing and he told me not to worry my self again that my husband will come back to me after he has cast a spell on him, i thought it was a joke, after he had finish casting the spell, he told me that he had just finish casting the spell, to my greatest surprise within 48 hours, my husband really came back begging me to forgive him, if you need his help you can contact him with via email: Emutemple@gmail.com or add him up on his whatsapp +2347012841542 is willing to help any body that need his help.
    Website: http://emutemple.website2.me/

    ReplyDelete
  3. I NEED A LOVE SPELL THAT WILL MANIFEST WITHIN 24 HOURS CONTACT (DR JUMBA ) HE HIS THE BEST LOVE SPELL CASTER WHO HELPED ME RESTORE HAPPINESS BACK TO MY RELATIONSHIP 
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