Forget New Chapters, This One's a New Book

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Que David Bowie's "Changes" to set the mood.

The past two years have not been solid, calm years.  They've been stressful, heartbreaking, full of tears years.  The world turned upside down and just as I started to adjust to the gravity, it flipped itself back around.

Today, however, is a touchable moment in time I can point to and say "This is where it all changes."  I wish I could say I was scared, but I'm not.  I'm not happy but content enough to leave behind the last two years.  I am slightly discouraged in the way I had to run as fast as I could to slam the door.  I learned long ago that the plans you make often blow up in your face, but I didn't even have the chance to make plans before everything exploded.

In a week and change, I'm moving up and out.  I'm saying goodbye to the ocean, goodbye to the city, and goodbye to my grandpa which is something I know is going to be particularly difficult.  This is the first time there is no question in my mind about whether I will be coming back because I know I won't.

As I mentioned before, I slammed the door and there are somethings on the other side of the door that are gone forever.  Mostly, it's the naievety you have in your early twenties that if you work hard enough the world is your oyster.  If you respect people, you will receive respect back.  And once again, I learned that not everyone will like you no matter what you do to please them.

On the flip-positive side, I stood up for myself and shouted at the rooftops that something was wrong.  I was an adult and I was professional.  Yeah, I had momentary discretions, but I always held up my own and apologized when I was wrong.  I think what I'm missing most in all of this nostalgia is the feeling of regret.  I don't regret anything I did.  I don't wish I could take anything back.  If I gained anything, it's that I grew up a little.  Not a lot of course, but a little.

One day, I'll write a post on the way I slammed the door and the very, very, very satisfying mark I left behind.  But, as I write this post, the mark has yet to be, let's say, "opened."

So, I guess it's time to turn and face the strange.  Here's to the next year and the plans I have actually made.  Hopefully, the bombs will wait a little longer to go off.

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