Letting In

Monday, July 15, 2019



It's the moment I realize I'm more changed than I thought.

He shook his head at first, and then looked at me.  His friend's outstretched hand held a cigar.  "I know you don't like these," he said.  But he does, and he was saying no. "It's fine," I said. "Seriously, go for it."

After dinner one evening, we walked by a cigar bar.  The smell poured into the street and I waved my hand in front of my nose.  I mumbled I couldn't stand the smell.  Days later he remembered and in the comfort of his own backyard turned down something he enjoyed...for me.

Staring at him, just a few feet away, he blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth turning his head away from my direction.  I moved closer and kissed him.  He apologized and I shook my head, unsure why I thought he'd never looked so irresistibly attractive to me, even while doing something I wasn't a major fan of.

As I found my way back to my seat, I recognized the uneasiness as something I'd been feeling lately.  It was the same confusion I felt earlier in the evening when he lowered the spice level on his Thai food. Or when he double checked that it was okay to go camping without me. Or the night I thought I was sick and he stayed up with me and continued to stay up to watch over me when I finally did fall asleep.

The question I kept asking myself was, why is he doing that? The simple answer is that he was thinking about me.  And I don't expect anyone to think of me.

The thing that movies and books don't tell you about love falling apart is how it changes you.  There is far better love out there--they've got that story line nailed down--but they don't talk about how your sense of trust is broken, almost skeptically so.  The person you were before you fell in love for the first time is jaded, even though you don't want to be.  It doesn't matter that you've moved on and are ready for the next adventure.  There's still a visible scar left from the last tumble. Falling again isn't as easy as the first, even though the next person deserves it so much more.

As I leaned my head back and looked up at the stars, I felt a twinge of anger that the past can still hold so much power over who you are.  I was mad that I didn't know how to accept someone else's kindness without wondering what the motive was underneath.  I was mad that I set the bar so low.  I was mad that I ever let someone forget me. I was mad that I no longer trust easily.

An hour or so later, his friend offered him another cigar.  This time, he turned it down without looking to me and, instinctively, I knew if I wasn't there he would have enjoyed another. I leaned into him.  He pulled me closer, where I remained for the rest of the evening with my head on his shoulder.

I'm not who I was before, but maybe that means I'll be open for far more meaningful experiences.

17 comments

  1. HOW I GOT MY EX HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR DIDII want to tell you all that i was able to put an end to my divorce issue and restore my marriage again, because i never wanted it to happen. i don't know what came over my husband that he was filling for divorce, i tried to talk to him out of it when he told me and he didn't listen to me, i had no other option than to seek for the help of a spell caster and now am glad I did. Because if not for the help of spell, i don't know what would have become of me by now because i loved my husband so much that i couldn't stand loosing him. i saw a post on a "love and relationship forum" about a spell caster who helps people to cast spell on 
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    Replies
    1. I want to thank Dr Emu a very powerful spell caster who help me to bring my husband back to me, few month ago i have a serious problem with my husband, to the extend that he left the house, and he started dating another woman and he stayed with the woman, i tried all i can to bring him back, but all my effort was useless until the day my friend came to my house and i told her every thing that had happened between me and my husband, then she told me of a powerful spell caster who help her when she was in the same problem I then contact Dr Emu and told him every thing and he told me not to worry my self again that my husband will come back to me after he has cast a spell on him, i thought it was a joke, after he had finish casting the spell, he told me that he had just finish casting the spell, to my greatest surprise within 48 hours, my husband really came back begging me to forgive him, if you need his help you can contact him with via email: Emutemple@gmail.com or add him up on his whatsapp +2347012841542 is willing to help any body that need his help.
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    3. PROFESSIONAL SPELL CASTER WHO CAN HELP YOU WITH LOVE-SPELL TO GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK URGENTLY AFTER BREAKUP/DIVORCE EVEN IF YOUR SITUATION SEEMS HOPELESS! CONTACT: INFINITYLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM IS CERTAINLY THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE AND HIS RESULT IS 100% GUARANTEE.. 

      After 3 Years in a relationship with my Boyfriend, my Boyfriend started going out with other girls and showing me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to broke-up with me if I dare question him about his affair with other girls, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet DR GREAT who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love Spells, At first I doubted If such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, When I contact him, he told me everything I needed to do and I did and he helped me cast a Love Spell and within 28Hours my boyfriend came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with girls and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this Great spell Caster for your relationship or marriage problem. 
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      PROFESSIONAL SPELL CASTER WHO CAN HELP YOU WITH LOVE-SPELL TO GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK URGENTLY AFTER BREAKUP/DIVORCE EVEN IF YOUR SITUATION SEEMS HOPELESS! CONTACT: INFINITYLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM IS CERTAINLY THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE AND HIS RESULT IS 100% GUARANTEE.. 

      After 3 Years in a relationship with my Boyfriend, my Boyfriend started going out with other girls and showing me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to broke-up with me if I dare question him about his affair with other girls, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet DR GREAT who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love Spells, At first I doubted If such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, When I contact him, he told me everything I needed to do and I did and he helped me cast a Love Spell and within 28Hours my boyfriend came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with girls and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this Great spell Caster for your relationship or marriage problem. 
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      PROFESSIONAL SPELL CASTER WHO CAN HELP YOU WITH LOVE-SPELL TO GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK URGENTLY AFTER BREAKUP/DIVORCE EVEN IF YOUR SITUATION SEEMS HOPELESS! CONTACT: INFINITYLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM IS CERTAINLY THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE AND HIS RESULT IS 100% GUARANTEE.. 

      After 3 Years in a relationship with my Boyfriend, my Boyfriend started going out with other girls and showing me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to broke-up with me if I dare question him about his affair with other girls, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet DR GREAT who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love Spells, At first I doubted If such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, When I contact him, he told me everything I needed to do and I did and he helped me cast a Love Spell and within 28Hours my boyfriend came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with girls and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this Great spell Caster for your relationship or marriage problem. 
      Here's his contact..

      CALL/WHATSAPP: +2348118829899

      EMAIL: infinitylovespell@gmail.com  OR  infinitylovespell@yahoo.com  

      BLOG http://infinitylovespell1.blogspot.com

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  3. I NEED A LOVE SPELL THAT WILL MANIFEST WITHIN 24 HOURS CONTACT (DR JUMBA ) HE HIS THE BEST LOVE SPELL CASTER WHO HELPED ME RESTORE HAPPINESS BACK TO MY RELATIONSHIP 
    Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Dr Jumba who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found  an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Dr Jumba helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do  and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him at   wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or  wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com   text or call him +19085174108  
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    After 3 Years in a relationship with my Boyfriend, my Boyfriend started going out with other girls and showing me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to broke-up with me if I dare question him about his affair with other girls, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet DR GREAT who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love Spells, At first I doubted If such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, When I contact him, he told me everything I needed to do and I did and he helped me cast a Love Spell and within 28Hours my boyfriend came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with girls and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this Great spell Caster for your relationship or marriage problem. 
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    ReplyDelete
  6. After 3 Years in a relationship with my Boyfriend, my Boyfriend started going out with other girls and showing me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to break-up with me if I dare question him about his affair with other girls, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called DR Jumba who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of his gods, At first I doubted If such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, When I contact him, he told me everything I needed to do and I did and he helped me cast a Love Spell and within 28Hours my boyfriend came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with girls and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this Great spell Caster for your relationship or marriage problem.Here's his contact  : Wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com or whatsapp: +1 (908) 517 4108  WEBSITE:  drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com  

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