Stop what you are doing - put everything down, and pick up Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.  My friend bugged me and bugged me to start this book and I didn't understand until I finally relented.  I have a personal theory that the entire human race should go to therapy, and this book 100% normalizes therapy in such a positive way.  I hated finishing this book because I didn't want it to end!

On another note - I was really bummed by Love Story.  I'm so not motivated to watch the movie now.


Hunger: A Memoir of My Body
Roxane Gay

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
Lori Gottlieb


Love Story
Erich Segal

I hear my name.  I’m walking down the hill, with my Air Pods in, listening to the movie Dumplin’ playing on Netflix.  If you start a Netflix show, lock your phone and then tap the home button, it gives you the option to play just the sound. I’ve seen Dumplin’ a time or two and read the novel; I know the scenes well enough to enjoy the dialogue.  Plus, it was the start of a Dumpster Fire week and when those weeks start, I’m not fit for music.

I look ahead and behind me before gazing at the line of cars congested at the light. With his window down, my ex’s friend – formerly someone I called my own friend – smiled at me across the street.  I pulled my right Air Pod out.  “Hey!” I eagerly shout back, genuinely ecstatic to see him. We smile at each other for a beat.  I don’t know what to say.  I know he saw my Snapchat I posted on Sunday which clearly showed I'm out in the world dating.  He knows, and he still shouted hello.

“Have a fun ride home,” I shout back before waving and walking away because the excitement of seeing him after so long is starting to be replaced with the very real loss of our friendship.
He waves back and I continue down the street. 

I’m happy and sad at the same time.  I think about last year’s holiday party and how I restrained myself from fighting the girl I thought was messing with his heart.  On the car ride home, I told him how much I cared about him and I hated seeing this girl toying with him.  I think about the last car ride when he was dropping me off after dinner and a comedy special at a mutual friend’s house. He passed my apartment building – he was heading for my old place I shared with my ex.  I course corrected him and he apologized.

I look back up the street, but he’s already gone through the light.  A break up is really a thousand tiny deaths. When you spend a few years with someone, your lives intertwine.  When your time together ends, the entangling isn’t as easy as untwisting the lines you’ve lain together.  Sometimes, those lines have to snap and break themselves.

Moving into the city, I didn’t have many friends in the area.  I quickly became a part of my ex’s friend group and developed solid friendships. When our relationship ended, he reiterated he didn’t want me to pull away from his friends, but how was that fair to them? The memories you make together involve you being a part of a specific couple.  The dynamics change when you end things.  We both needed separate friends to move through the stages of grief to listen to us cry, get angry, and eventually forgive the other person. 

Breakups don’t just involve two partners.  It involves the entire extended network you’ve knitted together in your time together.  All you can do is be grateful you were able to connect for a brief time because the other option is to be bitter and I don't think that really honors the friendships you created.

I text my ex’s friend that night.  I thank him for saying hello to me and that I missed him.  He responded and told me I’d always be a friend.  I’m probably never going to share a meal with him again and dissect the signs the latest girl he’s dating is sending.  But, we’ll have happy hellos when we pass each other on the street and I know I can always use more of those.

July flew by and I can't believe August is upon us.  In that time, I only managed to complete three books, but of course I have three books in my Currently Reading tab.



I enjoyed Dumplin' so much.  It differs slightly from the movie which made it enjoyable enough for me and threw in a few extra surprises that kept me still interested.  I highly recommend, even if you've already seen the Netflix movie.




Dumplin'
Julie Murphy

I belong in a warm climate, soaking up the sun while listening to whatever playlist moves me in the moment.  Unfortunately, I reside in a climate that is rainy with a sprinkling of sunshine.  Last summer, I beat myself ragged trying to make sales reselling and snag every resume I could (I was still working as a freelance resume writer). I couldn't beat the weather, though.  Everyone else was outside soaking it up, largely leaving my sales dry and professionals seeking new job opportunities were few and far between.

This year, I shifted my focus.  I spend most nights outside when the weather allows.  I edit podcast episodes in my courtyard.  I walk to a nearby park and edit photos on my phone.  More often than not, my work is not keeping up with the standards I set during the rest of the year. I will happily abandon work to play in the pool or barbecue at a friend's house.  The world is out and I want to enjoy it.

Last year, I was desperate for a few moments to call a true summer day.  I walked away with none.  This year, I have so many in my pocket to sustain me through the rest of the year and keep me motivated.  In fact, Summer 2019 inspired new goals for me to set and achieve.

My motto for 2019 (I know, I've mentioned this 4,000 times) is "Be Brave." I'm being brave in asking for what I want, but also asking myself what I truly want.  Instead of finding reasons for why those aren't feasible wants or dreams, I'm taking the time to truly assess them.  I'm changing them from dreams to goals. I'm making them realistic.

To support that, this summer I've also started sessions with a Career Counselor who's helping me align my values and desires into a professional career path.  It's exciting and it feels like the first time I've been allowed to truly think outside the box while being validated for it.

Summer slowdown is a time to enjoy the hard work from the year, but also to ensure the goals I'm setting are truly what set my soul on fire.  Hopefully, the slowdown of Summer 2019 will help me prepare for Summer 2020 in ways I couldn't imagine.

I make myself a cup of coffee and sit on the couch with a blanket wrapped around my legs.  I switch the TV over to view Netflix and watch The Office for the 45,672nd time.  I grab my phone and login to Poshmark from the web browser. I share my closet, finish my coffee, and make myself eggs with onions, tomatoes, and goat cheese.  Finishing up with The Office, I get ready for work while listening to a favorite playlist or podcast as loud as I want (within reason, I don't want to upset my neighbors).  I chase Charlie, kiss her goodbye, and head out the door.

No one whined from the bedroom to make them coffee.  No one begrudged me the time I took to spend on reselling, because it took time away from helping them get dressed in the morning.  I didn't have to give advice on whether a tie matched a shirt.  No one snatched the remote away from me to watch the news.  No one stood by the door tapping their feet because I was making them late for work.

Living alone after living with a partner is a new kind of normal.  You're more aware of all of the things you gave up to merge your lives together. Your bedtime is no longer determined by someone else's wake up call.  You don't have to use the bathroom in shifts.  You know who left that dish in the sink.

You're also aware of all of things you have to do alone.  When the new season of that TV show you both watched together drops on Netflix, you can watch it by yourself but you'll think of the comments they would have made.  Your Netflix algorithm is still infected with all of the shows they like to watch. When you're feeling down, there's no one around to make you laugh.  You have to empty the dishwasher every single time.

I gained back my independence.  I gained back the permission to focus on myself instead of serving the needs of someone else.  I gained back my life.  But, I still feel the loss of a life that was almost mine.  It was the wrong life and it would have ended sadly, but the ghost of it still haunts me.

When I get home from work, Charlie greets me cheerfully, happier in this home than she has been in any other.  I choose whether I want to make dinner that night, eat leftovers, or simply eat a protein bar.  I waste a lot of time dancing in front of the mirror.  I lay in the middle of my bed and fall asleep watching The Office for the 45,673rd time.

I've been blogging on and off for four years. I remember sneakily sitting at my desk at work and drafting up the first post with such excitement.  What feels true to me after four years, is that I still clearly lack direction.  Looking for inspiration to figure out where I wanted these blogs to take me, I reread some of my favorite posts, which I've listed below.  I'm hoping to aspire to this type of writing more often.

If you haven't checked them out, I hope you do and enjoy :)

Stephen Chbosky is Haunting Me...Sort Of

Making Space & Letting Go

Parents Are People Too: What I Learned As A Fur Baby Parent

Two Miles

Things (I Thought Were) More Likely To Happen Than Derek Jeter Getting Married

16 Things I Learned When My Best Friend Got Cancer at 26

It's the moment I realize I'm more changed than I thought.

He shook his head at first, and then looked at me.  His friend's outstretched hand held a cigar.  "I know you don't like these," he said.  But he does, and he was saying no. "It's fine," I said. "Seriously, go for it."

After dinner one evening, we walked by a cigar bar.  The smell poured into the street and I waved my hand in front of my nose.  I mumbled I couldn't stand the smell.  Days later he remembered and in the comfort of his own backyard turned down something he enjoyed...for me.

Staring at him, just a few feet away, he blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth turning his head away from my direction.  I moved closer and kissed him.  He apologized and I shook my head, unsure why I thought he'd never looked so irresistibly attractive to me, even while doing something I wasn't a major fan of.

As I found my way back to my seat, I recognized the uneasiness as something I'd been feeling lately.  It was the same confusion I felt earlier in the evening when he lowered the spice level on his Thai food. Or when he double checked that it was okay to go camping without me. Or the night I thought I was sick and he stayed up with me and continued to stay up to watch over me when I finally did fall asleep.

The question I kept asking myself was, why is he doing that? The simple answer is that he was thinking about me.  And I don't expect anyone to think of me.

The thing that movies and books don't tell you about love falling apart is how it changes you.  There is far better love out there--they've got that story line nailed down--but they don't talk about how your sense of trust is broken, almost skeptically so.  The person you were before you fell in love for the first time is jaded, even though you don't want to be.  It doesn't matter that you've moved on and are ready for the next adventure.  There's still a visible scar left from the last tumble. Falling again isn't as easy as the first, even though the next person deserves it so much more.

As I leaned my head back and looked up at the stars, I felt a twinge of anger that the past can still hold so much power over who you are.  I was mad that I didn't know how to accept someone else's kindness without wondering what the motive was underneath.  I was mad that I set the bar so low.  I was mad that I ever let someone forget me. I was mad that I no longer trust easily.

An hour or so later, his friend offered him another cigar.  This time, he turned it down without looking to me and, instinctively, I knew if I wasn't there he would have enjoyed another. I leaned into him.  He pulled me closer, where I remained for the rest of the evening with my head on his shoulder.

I'm not who I was before, but maybe that means I'll be open for far more meaningful experiences.